I have a number of major blog posts in the pipeline, the most complete being a tribute to the guitars I've owned over the years which should be up within a day or two. This will be closely followed by the mammoth (currently 8,000 plus words) and eagerly awaited account of how I tracked down, and made contact with, my seventeen year old son.
In the meantime, here are a few of my favourite articles from The Onion to keep everyone amused.
DETROIT ROCK CITY-The Kiss Army, long respected for its traditions of disobedience, insubordination and guitar-fueled mayhem, is the subject of a federal investigation following recent allegations of widespread propriety among its ranks.
VATNAJÖKULL GLACIER, ICELAND-Leaders of the metal community met Monday to discuss the overuse of the devil horns.
SANTA BARBARA, CA-During a search for evidence at the Neverland Valley Ranch, investigators discovered a corpse that has been identified as that of Michael Jackson, Santa Barbara police officials announced Tuesday.
BOULDER, CO-Some seriously wigged-out shit went down at 2 or 3 a.m., pizza-delivery guy Lyle Kelso reported.
CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND-Stephen Hawking told reporters that he is faster, stronger, and better than before.
LAKEWOOD, CO-Gene Podrewski expressed confusion Monday about his status as a gay camp icon.
JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS-The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell.
WARSAW-Upset that there are never any world wars anymore, German teens embarked on a nostalgia-driven military assault.
"Oh, my God, check it out," said Eastern Michigan junior Trent Meijer, excitedly reading the letter to fellow junior Matt Sweeney. "'You are like a feather floating in a sudden spring shower.' How friggin' funny is that?"
ALHAMBRA, CA-Area crazy man Dennis Fife held a press conference Tuesday to announce that on Oct. 8, he will stand in the doorway of the office building at 2600 Kenilworth Avenue and yell at cars all day.
PALO ALTO, CA-Gathering for what members of the international science community are calling "potentially the most totally out-to-lunch freaky head trip since Einstein postulated that space and time were, like, curved and shit," a consortium...
CAMBRIDGE, MA-Certain forms of horrible knowledge that Man was not meant to possess are still years away from becoming standard practice.
AMHERST, MA-A filthy, disorganized apartment shared by three Marxists clearly shows why the utopia described by Marx will never come to fruition.
BROOKLYN, NY-For the ninth time in as many hours, the couple upstairs went at it yet again at 4 a.m. Tuesday, hammering away at one another in an impressive display of sexual stamina and tenacity, apartment-directly-below sources said.
SOUTH BRONX, NY-The Lord Almighty announced He has mad love for every nigga who has given Him props throughout the years.
AUSTIN, TX-Everyone involved in the preparation, delivery, purchase and consumption of a pizza from Tony's New York-Style Pizzeria was thoroughly baked off his ass, it was reported Monday.
ALBANY, NY—Emergency crews called to the scene described the remains of the victims as "slightly more lifeless than they were before the accident."
